(In French accent) 3... years... later.

It had been nearly three years since I last played SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom - Rehydrated. That... is what we call a long ass time.

It had been so long, I pretty much forgot what I had done last time I played. I guess I was in I think it was Goo Lagoon? Mr. Krabs who has a seriously wrong voice has SpongeBob swap with Patrick. Because I guess he's the one who can save the carnival which is closed because... of... a single robot in the ticket booth. I think Mr. Krabs is a scaredy-cat. I take care of the robot. And after chucking a melon at a UFO robot, the Ferris-wheel collapses but not too far down. And I'm still able to ride it to get access to more carnival. The first thing I tried was a game called Whack-A-Tiki. Which I originally played the wrong way. Thinking I could uses melons. Forgetting that I could just use Patrick's belly to whack the tikis. So I did it right the next time and I got... a sock. Good reward. Next up, the spinning cups. There was nothing to do here. I mean you could ride them if you wanted but I don't think you got anything out of doing so. There was a golden spatula under the ride but it was a bit too far out of reach.

There was another golden spatula surrounded by floating tikis. But I don't know if it was bad depth perception or if I couldn't get the spatula. No you definitely can't get it. The spatula is a fucking mirage. So I continued on. There's a skee-ball game but it says SpongeBob needs some sort of bubble bowl powerup. Speaking of SpongeBob, I try collecting that Golden Spatula with him. But with still no luck. Turns out, you can collect it once you travel further down the carnival and bounce up to the top of a tall tower and give yourself a stretchy wedgie and then get it. There is a slide ride but it just loops you around. I swap back with Patrick and fling myself back to thee beach. Now what do I do? Well I go back to Bikini Bottom and unlock a new area because I had enough golden spatulas! On to the Poseidome where I take on Mecha Sandy. At first, it's confusing how to attack her. But I figure it out once I get bounced high in the air, I have to smash on her helmet. I finish off phase one and I guess Patrick desperately wants to... play. Mecha Sandy adds a spring line attack but just jump over her legs and you'll be fine. Just like before I smash on her helmet and throw it into the broken score board. 3 times to end phase 2. Phase 3 starts and I am already dead when Mecha Sandy has double spring lines. When I smash her helmet this time, she holds it but I'm not quite sure what to do from there. It seems like I could get in her helmet but I didn't seem to be attacking her. Eventually I find out I had to uppercut inside. Of course I forget I had that attack. Anyways, now that I know that, I uppercut her three times and take Mecha Sandy down!

After Mecha Sandy is taken down, I get the Bubble Bowl powerup. And a Golden Spatula. And a... gift certificate for 5 dollars and 32 cents. Which SpongeBob gets... overly emotional over... oh yeah this is SpongeBob. After that, SpongeBob meets with Plankton and asks him about the robots coming from the Chum Bucket. Which is also now a Robot Headquarters. Plankton offers to basically be SpongeBob's brain. Which I guess is the greatest thing from a non-friend a friend could have... alrighty. Next, I meet with the real Sandy. And I guess SpongeBob doesn't worry about putting on a water helmet. No matter. I guess I have a job to do. Getting rid of the robots out of her dome. After dying a couple times, I clear the robots and get a Golden Spatula. Bubble Buddy teaches me how to use the Bubble Bowl powerup. Yep. You literally bowl bubbles on the ground. Then SpongeBob meets with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Oh yeah, Mermaid Man's voice sounds like crap too. And he gives me a big task... fix the television... so Barnacle Boy gives me a task. Go to the couch and access the Mermalair... I guess I was tired because somehow I didn't process what he said there at that moment? Also... Mermaid Man's television is working just fine.

I get one more Golden Spatula in the town... two more actually. So it turns out that the Skee-Ball game in Goo Lagoon is just for sure. It doesn't do anything for you. Not that I could tell. And then after that, it was mindless bumbling about in the city of Bikini Bottom. I explore all around yet seemingly get nothing done. Well I think I ended one rehydrated stream stuck in the city. I decided to end this one stuck in the city. Maybe there's nothing more I can do? Nothing I can tell anyways. For a SpongeBob game, it sure can get difficult to know what to do and where to go. Damn... maybe if I had SpongeBob's brain, I could use his thinking skills and somehow figure shit out in 3 seconds... or use a seriously wrong shortcut and get even more lost. Probably the latter.