I am the king of the bats!

It's been a good while since I last played "WHAT THE BAT?". And I figured I would give the game some more screen time again before the 2025 MLB Season gets into the post territory!

Starting off with Island world. A very deserted island to say the lead. With "Cast Away"! Some wood hungry piranhas want to carve my boat away. I won't let them. Next up, I have to cover away the holes they made with planks of wood. And then drain the boat by removing said planks. Once off the boat, I am batting some of those piranhas to some nicely marked trees. I tell you, once they're on, they take care of those trees in no time. I then take care of some little stumps and I end the level by nailing some planks of wood to a small little shelter to stay under! Quite the series of events if I do say so myself! Next up, "Fire Island". Can you guess what we use here? That's right... matches!... to then make a fire! We all know what this dude took to the deserted island. Why take food or water or a video tape of your favorite hent... uh... so yeah I take the match to light the fire. But why need a match when you can just strike your own bat? That works too! But why even use a match box at all? Just use your own bats? How do you use your own bats? Too hell if I know I couldn't figure that shit out to save my life. Eventually I figured out that you just have to rub your bats together for a long period of time and hey wait a minute aren't my bats my hands too? Isn't this painful? The next part I accidentally beat as I was typing in my chat saying that I finally beat that part. I didn't even see what I did. I guess I took an eel to electrocute my bats to then light a fire. But why use an eel when you can use natural lightning from a cloud? That works too! The next level is "Eelectricity." Hah I see what they did there. Yeah you guessed it. You use an eel to light up some cords and power up electrical devices. Like a toaster! Can't survive an island without your toast! And blenders too! Make sure you blend the trophy. That one is important. And after that, you gotta dry off your laundry. Conveniently there's a fan ready to do just that! Only after you do all of that can you actually say you need help.

"Coconuts" is the next level. Are we finally going crazy? Nope. We're literally using coconuts! Those bats can do a fine job of breaking them open! And then you can play a little game of coconut ninja at the end! Next up, "Go Fish!". No not the card game. We're literally fishing. While using a crab as bait. A live fucking crab. Surprisingly, it's effective. The crab must be having a damn strong grip on those fishies. But why take one when you can get them all! Just hook on your dynamite, and watch those fishies FLY! The next level, and honestly one of the hardest ones I've played so far is "Jaws". You have to knock out 3 sharks from attacking the elephant in the middle. But if you know me, you know I don't do well with aim and attack levels. And this was no different. Even if I got the first shark down like... 5% of the damn time, I wouldn't be able to take down the 2nd shark. And yes there is a 3rd shark. There was no skipping this level either. So I had to beat this one. Oh goodie. And that... orchestral music... it sounds good for like... 30 seconds. But the more it loops I swear the more annoying it gets. I get it's supposed to be a play on the actual Jaws theme. But compared to the rest of the soundtrack, this is honestly the worst song in the game. There were even times where I took down the first shark before it got to the elephant and it still somehow got taken down. Like what the fuck? After 8 minutes, which honestly felt longer, I finally take down all 3 sharks. And now I get to control the shark. As I take down several rafts with trophies on them. And then I play a little bit of ocean volleyball with the shark. With... a soccer ball? Okay that's kind of random. Finally I take down the final trophy raft and complete the level! I thought I'd never see that day as I move on to "Deep Dive". Under the water this time. As I avoid wood eating piranhas, make toast underwater, from close up and afar. I also control an elephant to swim over to a trophy for me. "Limbo" is the next level. Which quite frankly is confusing. I don't think I was able to do anything here other than watch a tree go below some tape lines until the trophy was knocked over.

"Never Alone" is the next level. And never alone I shall be as I spend time batting google eyes on things like a tree, rock, campfire, sinking boat because fuck it right? That one was the toughest to get the eyes on. Specifically because the boat was a ways away. Finally I apply some eyes on a pufferfish and it's time to take my end of world photo! I happily give Mr. Elephant some googly eyes before I take my photo! And it's off to where the title screen of the game takes place. Outer space itself as I start with "Lift Off"! I need to configure the switches and controls correctly so then I can pull the lever and shoot us into space! I stop the alarm clock by... destroying it and it's on to "Spaceball"! No it's not based off the movie. You're just simply aiming balls for the trophies on the small little planets. For the 2nd section, Mr. Elephant is shooting balls at you at a high rate. Trying to get one of the trophies was a bit tough. I tried taking control of the ball, jabbing it, bunting it, eventually I just accepted that hitting the ball and aiming it at the trophy is the best way to get it. And that was the best way to get all the trophies. "What a Rocket!" was the next level. I control a rocket to pop several small planets. Either that rocket is stupid strong or those planets are stupid weak. I check out "Loose Cannon" next. In this level, you have to take cannons... firmly connected to the ground and use them to shoot trophies floating around. Hell you even get a cannon for your head. I guess you could technically consider that the loose cannon. "Interplanetary" is next. In the first section, you literally move planets and the trophy around you. Now that's fucking cool. What's not cool is that I couldn't figure out how to actually get the trophy. Despite it seeming like I was hitting it with the baseball. It didn't seem to be doing anything. But then out of fucking nowhere... I just beat that section. I don't know how the fuck I did it and even looking back now... I still have no fucking idea. I just accepted it and moved on.

Next up, I get to play with a black hole! Moving it around eventually sucks up the trophy and teleports it to the smaller black hole next to me. The next section is self-explanatory. Crack the egg. Literally the one in front of you. Next, you control a plant with a big ass awesome sick laser to literally blow up the trophy! Hell yeah! Same idea for the next section. But now I have to use a mirror to blow up the trophy to get the angle of the laser right. "Mars Rover" is the next section. At first I didn't realize it but once you activate the rover, you have to press a button to make it swat its arm to make it smack trash out of its way. Or it explodes and dies. Next up, I... wouldn't necessarily say I control the robot on a planet... more so... I turn the fucking planet itself. And the robot just chills there as it destroys a giant pile of trash to reveal the trophy. And then again but this time to reveal a bat. Turning the planet the other way eventually makes said giant bat smack the trophy. Time for the next level which I saved until it was the only level I could play next... "Kissing". Yeah you read that right that is literally the name of the next level. You move 2 stations around. Moving in opposite directions and you have to get them to kiss... with their big puffy lips. And as the level progresses, you have to make them move around small little floating rocks. Nothing will get in the way of these little stations from going lip to lip. Even if they have to do a little... rotation. And then you replay the first section but from the POV of the left station. So I can really get in on the smoochy action. "Bat Saber" is the next level. I thought this was going to be a play on Beat Saber. Nope there are just baseballs orbiting your station and you have to slash them down with your bat sabers. "Farming" is next. And yeah it's what it sounds like. Even in space we do a little gardening here. We have to water the soil and then plant trophy seeds and grow a trophy. And then plant a small piece of bread to make it into a big piece of bread. And... well that's all the farming she wrote there.

"Bat Fight" is next. Shit gets serious here. Now we got Robo Mr. Elephant who chucks things at us that we need to blast away with baseballs. Dare we get hit and it's a restart. You thought having to deal with 1 snout was bad? Try 3. And let me tell you... what a struggle fest this was trying to keep 3 items headed towards me away from me. But dammit it felt rewarding after the 8 minutes of attacking. Which again, felt way longer. Next up, Robo Mr. Elephant ain't fucking around. He's real close now as he starts chucking rockets at me. This phase isn't so bad. Just chuck them back at him towards his shooters. Phase 4, dude's got laser eyes now. And you got to take them down with baseballs. Don't let your bat get cut. Phase 5, take down his loose metal plates. And avoid touching his snout. Bad things happen if you do. Phase 6 and onward takes us inside the elephant. A laser show intensifies as you have to drag a star shape into the star hole and fish shape into the fish hole without cutting your bats. Oh yeah, you gotta cook up some toast too. Can't have a WHAT THE BAT level without cooking some fresh toast. Phase 7 is where I got rather lost. Despite how obvious it was. And I felt really fucking silly when I figured out the solution. Chucking the bowling balls at the trophy itself didn't seem to do anything. I saw what looked like maybe a power switch at the very top of where the lasers are. Thinking I have to chuck a bowling ball at that. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to get there. Chucking the bowling balls at the ends of the cables on the back wall didn't seem to do much. This definitely took me the longest time to realize that... oh fuck... it's bowling. The bottoms of the laser pointers are fucking pins I can take down. Well fuck me am I right? Once I take down the last pin and hit the trophy, and evil me comes out of it as it's time for the final boss! Which... in all honesty... was easier than Robo Mr. Elephant. Phase 1 of Evil Me's attacks deflect the baseball bombs back at her. Phase 2, same thing. But now she's using black holes to teleport. Whereas before, she just glided back and forth. In phase 3, she stands int he middle while objects spit out of 2 black holes and you have to deflect them back towards her.

But I guess now we suddenly feel bad as in phase 4, we cheer her up using hearts from a doggy that I guess was always on this station. Me, Evil Me, Mr. Elephant, and Robo Mr. Elephant all group up for one final photo. And then... the credits. Where I can take baseballs to destroy names out of them. Sorry to those I exploded. And that's it! That's "WHAT THE BAT?"! Just... what a fun game this was. It was everything purely silly and goofy. Just like "WHAT THE GOLF?" and "WHAT THE CAR?". It's so random and there's no explanation for anything which is why I love this game so much. It's just one of those games you don't want to end. I mean yeah there's absolutely replay value in it. But you want new stuff. You want some bright... something... flashy... something... spectacular! Something... oh hey look there's this Battywood mode I'll have to check that out next time I play "WHAT THE BAT?" I'm sure it'll be pretty damn fun okay blog over now thanks for reading bye!