I didn't enjoy this at all.

PocketBike Racer was a part of the Summer Games Done Quick 2025 silly block! And hey... I like silly things. So I was like... why not? Might as well try it!

Originally I was going to start with Standard Race 100CC. But those were locked. Apparently you have to play 50CC in all the modes to unlock the others.... alright then... 50CC it is! I decide to play as the Subservient Chicken. Because I like chickens. And I also pick the Little Dipper as my ride. After that, it was on to the first race! Oh yeah this was a Burger King game essentially with all the Burger King branding. So the first race takes place in a Burger King parking lot! At first I am confused why I am not moving. When I realize it's not A to drive. It's the Right Trigger button. Despite the slow start I do crawl my way back in the race. While I was able to tail behind the king himself, it was just too little too late and finished 2nd by 2 seconds. Ah well no biggie. I know how to play now! On to the next level, the Backyard Track! This one... despite arrow signs... is a confusing one. I bump all over the place and have to respawn... a few times too many. Oh yeah getting stuck under ramps too... and taking wrong turns... missing turns... holy fuck this yard is way too jacked up. I don't know how the fuck I finished 3rd and did only 2 seconds worse than 1st place. The King's Garden is next. No this isn't where Whoppers are literally grown. For the most part I do alright. A few bumps but the track was well more understandable. And boy do I say, the King doesn't fuck around with his garden. If this is his garden... how fucking big is his mansion... or... castle? Under Construction is the next level. The King couldn't get this track finished in time but he still wanted us to race on it. This won't be dangerous at all.

A chunk of it kind of reminds me of those layered indoor parking lots. As I race, I am suddenly blinded by a flashbang. First of all... ow my eyes... second of all... it wasn't that bad as the bang didn't result in serious consequences. Hell... I even came within striking distance of the king! I was gonna do it! I was going to take the lead! HUZZAH! Lol no I wasn't. I bump on a fence, miss a ramp, and fall. And now I was much further away from the king and found myself in the back half of the ranks. Oh goodie. I proceeded to do... not very good. It got all in my head of wanting to do better and I just bump around like I am a ball in a pinball machine. I finish in a very disappointing 5th place... ouch... I guess this track just wasn't meant to be raced on just yet. Fantasy Ranch was next. Or the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. Get it? Almost feels more like Wizard of Oz because of the yellow brick road. And seeing all the burgers and vegetables around me makes me very hungry. I was actually getting UNBELIEVABLY close to the king himself. I would taste him like he was a slice of cheese. Just needed to be careful on the track... WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I GET ATTACKED BY A DASH OF LIGHTNING AND MY CONTROLS GET JACKED AND I FALL OFF THE FUCKING TRACK! FUCK! Now I'm in 5th and of course the fucking king is just PEACEFULLY STROLLING DOWN! So any and all hopes I had of competing with the king? YEP! PISSED AWAY! So sadly I just had to focus on finishing the race. Of course Cristina had to be so fucking nice and rip my chances of even finishing 3rd... boy if this is 50CC... I don't think I'll be ready for the other CCs.

Also I noticed that the King himself seemed to be getting 1st place a lot... hmm... that's... not suspicious at all! Totally not like he's... CHEATING???? Well of course he's the damn king! Besides every time he starts the race he gets to start ALL THE FUCKING WAY IN THE FRONT. While my ass gets plopped way in the fucking back! Fairness am I right? Boy I wonder if he'll be cheater McGee in 100CC too. The tracks for each CC are the same. Back on the parking lot, Yeah it's faster. More prone to error right? My bike has poor handling after all. Good speed, but poor handling. Surprisingly, I keep on a good tail with the king and even taste 1st for a while. Until I just... finish the track and OH MY GOSH I FINISHED FIRST! SUCK IT KING! CHEATERS NEVER WIN! Being familiar with the backyard also helps since I had already played it. Also I figured it was better to occasionally let go of the acceleration to avoid... catastrophe. For the most part, that does work! Of course until I briefly get stuck in the fucking pool. Though I get out shortly later. I finish this track in first place by a VEEEERY LONG SHOT. Poor king must've finished 6th because he only got 1 point after. LMAO! Though for some reason when I was in the garden, my brain kind of went dead... many times. Despite the stone road clearly taking a turn, I found myself going straight toward the... I don't know what the fuck you call it. According to Google, I'll say it's a Mosque. Heading in that direction fucked me SEVERELY. After that, boy my ability to play this track went right through the shitter. I finished 5th. And guess who fucking finished 1st? The motherfucking king.

I was still in 1st in the 100CC tourney by 3 points. Hopefully the construction zone would be a much cleaner ride. It was... for a while... until I got blasted with flashbangs, electrical shocks, falling into pits, I fucking finished 4th. And guess... who finished... 1st? The... fucking... king... holy fuck this dude is a ROTTEN cheater. So now I was trailing by 3 in the tournament. But I had one last track to play. The ranch. I needed to just pop the fuck off here. After shocking the dude in front of me I got back to 1st place and I was on the last lap. This was it! This was going to be victory for V! Of course not before I get shocked myself. And then I get blasted in the ass with the rocket. AND LOOK WHO COMES CRAWLING RIGHT BEHIND ME? THE FUCKING KING! So now he is in front of me and I am fucked. He didn't finish in 1st. But he finished before I did. So he beat me. And he cheated. A-fucking-mazing. I'll just say i won that tourney with 32 points because all the king's 37 points where fucking cheated. But I wouldn't make sure he cheats in 150CC. Oh wait... he did. Somehow he fucking got 1st by a whopping 7 seconds in the parking lot. The king uses devil magic to make me get stuck under a ramp in the backyard letting EVERYBODY catch up. I do climb back in get 2nd... but GUESS WHO FINISHED FIRST???? The king can't stop fucking cheating. He allegedly gets 1st in the garden while I finish 2nd. Oh... and get this... I'm casually strolling through 1st in the construction zone right? Just nothing but road ahead of me and ALL OF A SUDDEN IN TWO FUCKING SECONDS I AM SOMEHOW IN SIXTH FUCKING PLACE! There had to have been some secret shortcut or something because there is no way in fuck I just fell behind like that.

Yeah. I finished 7th this race. Because the king is a cheater and lets everyone just fucking teleport in front of me. I don't even know where the king was on the ranch. Apparently he had 10 thousand fucking thrusters on his bike with how far ahead he was. I did finish 2nd overall but holy hell this game is anything but silly. This game severely pisses me off. I can see why this game didn't get the greatest reviews. It is FAR from a good racing game. Let me go back to my fucking Mario Kart's where I'll scream at asshats who blast my ass with 50 trillion blue shells!