I love turbo controls.

More NES games galore! It's only a matter of time before this shitshow of an abomination I created is over.

Jumping right in with Bad Street Brawler. Yeah it's exactly what it sounds like it is. It's a street fighting game. At least the first level isn't too difficult. Despite me dying. You deal with muscle midgets, bulldogs, rock band clubbers, a fucking banana chucking gorilla. Yeah it has it all. What's nice is the easy ability to regain health. I do like that. Because trust me there would be hell if there wasn't. The 2nd level has most of the same enemies. Just new attack moves now... which I could've kept my first set. Can't complain much it's time for a BreakThru. It's a ground driving shooter game. Shoot enemies and obstacles in your path, don't you dare get hit by the falling rocks or even their craters. Oh and make sure you know how to jump over a pile of rocks. That's very essential. And even when you do, avoid the conveniently placed missiles. Did I do that? Uh... no... but what I did do was move on to Qix. At first I was a little lost on what to do. But then I figured out that... oh! It reminds me of Paper.io! You have to fill in a specific chunk of the square without letting the little bugs bite off your ass. And also there's these beams of energy floating around the square. If that touches your line as you're filling in another chunk, you also die. Honestly it was pretty fun! Easy to play and hell if I'm feeling frisky, I might return to it someday! Next up was Star Soldier. Your ye' ol' classic space shooter. Very arcadey. Also I decided to employ the help of some... turbo controls. And boy were my beams going! But with great power comes great responsibility. Death is still inevitable. Even with turbo. And sometimes... you just end up dying to a half of a fucking face. Yes that happened.

Next up is Super Team Games. A Power Pad game. It's an obstacle race and thankfully it wasn't that bad. Sure my opponent got a head start on the log hopping. But once I understood what was happening, I was off like a fucking rocket and those damn logs stood no chance. Next was the Belly Bumpball. You literally take your belly and bump a ball. No not in real life you fucking idiot. Next was the water cross. Just... cross the patches of water until you get to the crab walk. Hop in the crab costume and get to the wall jump. It's not much different than the log hopping. Heh... my poor opponent was still stuck on the water crossing. Next I must blow up a bubble and hop in it for the bubble run. The race ends back to the logs and I secure victory with a 4:11.15 time! HUZZAH! My opponent? Poor boy. Finished 2 minutes and 17 seconds later. Oof. Anyways that was fun. Dragon Warrior was not. I'm not a fan of NES RPG games. I just kind of spent the 5 minutes bumbling around, taking items I could, talking to people, fighting off little dinky slimes. Man I am so good at taking down the slimes. I think I'm ready for the final dragon now or whatever the fuck the final boss is. Oh yeah I ran into a ghost too. Too bad I couldn't see it. It was clearly invisible and it took me down. Thank goodness I can just move on to G.I. Joe - The Atlantis Factor. It starts with brief training and then it's time to fight. And I say, G.I. Joe has one hell of a punch has he takes on floating landmines and some... sort of policemen. Sometimes when you take them down, they might drop an item. But you better be quick to collect it. Those items bounce around like they're fucking ping pong balls. And when you do collect them, you've gone so far off screen that the enemies you just took down respawn. Oh yeah there's a gun too. That'll be helpful for when I not take down the big cinder block mallet dude.

Home Alone is next. Also known as... "oh no!". Because one hit and it's game the fuck over. Apparently you have to spend 20 minutes picking up traps and making the robbers slip and fall for like... 3 seconds before they get back up. I don't know if that's all to it because all my runs would last an average of like 20 seconds each before Kevin gets strangled. Hey at least I tried. That counts for something right? Perhaps I'm better playing Wheel of Fortune Starring Vanna White. And you know me, I got to go against the toughest CPUs. Not as mistake at al. Nope. Things was the first category. I started off decently. But a big mistake of thinking I could pick a vowel when I didn't pick the vowel option cost me. I didn't get another chance at the puzzle. Alright... redemption time! Person is the category. Thankfully I did have a crack at the puzzle despite not being first up. And I knew who it was. It was legendary 70s rock singer Ram Rogers!... just kidding... that's a lie I made that up. Unless there is a Ram Rogers who was a 70s rock singer. The answer was actually Roy Rogers. Again... no fucking clue who that is. No matter. Time to finish off with 10-Yard Fight! A very generic American Football game. And you know me, I only go against the best... i picked the high school team... hey! I got a kickoff return touchdown! HUZZAH! We're on the board first baby! Hell yeah! Now it's time to take down these high schoolers! Which is... uh... easier said than done sadly. Despite the few times I got team computer on 3rd down, they would just convert and it wouldn't be long before they tied up the game. Well dammit. I would say this oughta be a high scoring game, but after not being able to get a 2nd kickoff return touchdown, it was time to put the ball away and call it a night. But hey... I scored first. And the team who scores first gets all the bragging rights!

So suck it team computer! I scored first!