Fuck the Winter Jackpot.

Last time I spun the wheel, I got a good game. Here? I get a game about being a dude in a horse mask crossing the street. What the fuck has my life come to?

How would I describe the game? I don't know. It's got kind of a Frogger or Crossy Road feel. Level 1 is pretty mundane. There are also... fucking blocks of cheese you can collect... for some reason. Oh yeah I am such a badass gamer. I picked the hardest difficulty there is to choose. Hardcore gives you only one life. And if you die, it's back to level 1. Hell yeah game on baby. I beat this level in 15 seconds and move on to level 2. More of the same. But now there's trucks! And they hit like a... truck! Wish I could make it past these easier if ragdoll physics weren't such a bitch. That and hitboxes. When you get past the random ass basketballs at the end, you make it to level 3. Cars have speed huh? How cute. I only died from it because again, hitboxes are a bitch. Oh yeah if you hold left click, you can slow down time. Won't get you out of pickles. But can help you with timing. Level 4 has a giant ass stone ramp at the start. And then it's as easy as making it across the wood plank, and safely making it across the last 2 speedy cars and making it to level 5. Oh yeah I'm feeling the momentum now... well... I was... until... school buses happened to me. Fuck. And when i have another chance? Fuck I probably made it less further than I did my original go on that damn level! I did discover though a humorous party trick where if you jump at the same time you come across a wall or rail, you get a slightly higher jump. Does it help? Abso-fucking-lutely not. It's just a goofy ahh party trick. Eventually I make it back to level 5. Alright... careful patience time... I died on the first road. I am going to smash a brick in this damn horse man's skull. And then it happened again because fuck me. And sometimes you slip off the wood plank in Level 4 despite trying to go back, just get rammed by a fucking car anyway. I actually made progress my next go in Level 5. Not like it should've taken me this long. But when you game hard enough like me, you eventually get success! After making it past the last few busses and random ass basketballs, I move to level 6. Those busses ain't fucking around. I mean FUCK they are fast. Not even slow down helped me here. As close as I was. But again. HIT BOXES ARE A BITCH! Despite it only taking me less than 6 minutes to get back, I once again fall to the 2nd row of busses. Think I went too early this time.

Oh yeah. Imagine you're on your way back to level 6 and you get run over because a fucking cone pushes you back onto the road and you go all raggy and limpy. Fuck this game never ceases to piss me off. Fuck making it back to level 6 felt like a chore. People might say I should've played an easier difficulty. And to that I say... do you know who the fuck I am? I am everyone's fucking favorite Miicord Crew streamer! I am so badass, sometimes I get stupid lucky in level 5 as I land in the between path of 2 busses and avoid getting hit entirely. I AM JUST SO FUCKING HIM! The finish line of level 5 is in sight! I can almost taste it! I can get another shot at-

the air killed me i am done with this fucking game.