Got to stay cute even when kidnapped.

What? Not a Jackbox game? I'm stunned. Yes Mr. Wheel has given mercy and gives me quite the classic in Dragon's Lair this time. The game that is more of a movie with quick time events. But the game was just so fucking popular back then and even now it still has a respected fanbase. And I'll tell you the original is beyond better than the NES port. XD!

So after getting a brief tutorial to learn the ropes of the game, we're off! Wow for once I made it past the fucking draw bridge. I never did that in the NES port. Couldn't make it past the first room though. Despite thinking I hit the right button at the right time. I think what I realize is that there are times I need to press certain buttons twice. Also? I think it's honestly kind of hard to concentrate. I didn't really like the placement of the UI elements. I almost wish it was more like how it was in the tutorial. Now maybe there was some settings I could've adjusted. Ah well. Anyways, I swing across the burning ropes, ouch, I don't drink the potion... despite how innocent it looks... and I still get burned. Again, ouch. I also get a glimpse of the damsel in distress I am supposed to save. Don't worry! I'm coming for you! Just got to avoid the skulls that want to eat my ass. After a few attempts of that and getting past the black goo, oh boy everyone just wants me dead. Like these caped skeletons. Sure. Oh and you can't forget the falling elevator section. I think I remember the Angry Video Game Nerd loathing this section on the NES port because it was like a complete guessing game. And if you were wrong, you go backwards. Now being my first time on this section, I assumed I was going forward no matter which way I went. Only if I could go forward and not die into the pit! So now I actually jump off the platform and then I get electrocuted. Man I can't have just one damn second to think! And when I do get past it, I just get scorched by a burst of lava. Yeah I can see why this is also a very frustrating game. Even on easy difficulty! And then this king dude bangs his cane or whatever on my head. I guess it's enough to give me a concussion. I actually had a lot of trouble on this part. I think I was always expecting the attack notification to come sooner or later than when it actually did. But finally I get my gold and then die to a magic sword. It's more harder to pay attention to the little attack button because I'm trying to pay attention to the direction indicators too. Again... just far enough to not really be able to concentrate or both. Hell if anything I'm more focused on the directional stick that the movie itself. I get one good slash on the... slime acid alligator and then still get burned in the acid slime. Emphasis on ouch.

And then this... I don't know what the fuck you call it. But it has a jagged dagger and boy it wants me dead. I swear every time I reach a new scene I just die. I get closer to the princess again but the black knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail stops me in my path. It's a dance contest. Oh yeah you fail, you die. And then a magic orb swipes my sword and then I get shocked. Oh and guess what? I die. But when I do get past, it's another falling elevator. I seem to make it to the 3rd level down but now I am back to swinging on flaming ropes... uh oh... though I didn't remember riding an armored horse... that can fly. So maybe I'm okay. And I definitely don't remember the water ride. Oh yeah you also have like an amount of reaction time so small, not even a computer can react fast enough as you go down the ride. And sometimes you do press the buttons you need to and the whirlpool still murders you. Yeah this game is fair. Man I tell you... this poor guy goes through a lot. Getting chased by black knights, trying to avoid spinning boxing gloves on long sticks, fighting literal ghosts, being thrown around in a hodge-podge of items, fighting off deadly snakes, dealing with trick stairs that turn into a slide sending you down a pit. Wow I forgot what it felt like to die. And sometimes when I even make it past the trap stairs, I still die because on a weak ass bridge I have to press up twice and get confused why I fall and die only after pressing up once. I am so close to saving the princess. But first, another dance with the black knight. Another falling elevator after. And then a wall that just seemingly builds itself. Well I don't remember that so I assume I am going the right way. But then it's another armored horse ride? Am I going the right way? Well there's more skulls and bones that want to bite my ass... am I really going backwards here? I might have actually gone backwards. When I get back on the falling elevator... oh mind you these elevator scenes are really pure guesses when you're supposed to jump. Thankfully this time I am in a hallway of massive rolling balls. That is definitely new. The dying isn't. And then it's back to fighting the haunted swords and weapons? Am I going the right way? I don't fucking know anymore!

No I definitely feel like I've gone backwards again. I've seen this next bunch of scenes already. But then after fighting off the bats... now I'm in a new area? Okay this game is confusing me. After fighting the demons of hell, it's essentially the final boss. Where we also meet the damsel in distress. Well... distress with an asterisks. Call it more the seductive damsel as I have to get the key from the dragon to free her. I have one final quest. Get the magic sword. Sounds simple. Oh but mind you if at any time you die in this sequence, you have to go all the way back to the point where our knight finds the damsel locked in the orb. And it's not a short scene. Oh yeah and you have to watch her be sexy every time. But even when you get the magic sword? The fight only lasts about 2 seconds before you get the key. Really? All that for that? So I free the princess, she kisses me, the end... no really that's it... well I guess a 30 minute experience is worth about 5 bucks. Though 10 bucks not on sale... yeah I'm glad I got this during the Winter Sale. Though if you think about it, you're paying 10 bucks to watch a short movie really.

Does that make it more justified?... I don't know you be the judge.