MORE THAN ONE WHEEL???

Oh yeah. I got a good one. Albeit technically a free game... I mean fuck that says a lot right there. This is Moral Dilemma: The Interview. Free? Like maybe I got it for free on the Epic Games Store? Nope. This is just indefinitely free on Steam. Not fucking you. HOWEVER... there is a paid DLC for the game. Which is the big reason why I put this game as a part of the main Jackpot series and not just the bonus series.

So it seems like we got an interview for a company and one of its positions. What company? What position? To hell if I know. XD! I can't seem to access any of the doors in the first hallway I go down. So I make my way onward. Oh yeah, if you want your cat featured in this game, hit up "moraldilemma25555@gmail.com". I swear now every time I see an email in this game, I just HAVE to hit them up. Oh yeah if you're curious? That email in Drywall Eating Simulator hasn't gotten back to me yet. I'm still waiting you know. So I meet with the receptionist... uh... ghost receptionist... I just go ahead and check out the waiting room while I wait for my interview. Oh and apparently I am supposed to shoot myself during the interview... receptionist's words not mine. And yes the printer is talking to me. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy. Receptionist thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I am nothing but crazy. I am beyond crazy. So my guy is ready to interview me. Not before noticing a lovely note by a friend named Greg. Apparently this company has dealt with tax fraud? Pfff... I'm sure it's not THAT bad. I'm sure the company itself really isn't that bad. Before my interview, I have to deposit an explosive to the box by the door. I guess a nuclear warhead will do. There's a self playing guitar I come across. Man this company has it all. So I go to steal 20 pounds and... HOLY FUCK I'M SPINNING A WHEEL? IT'S MR. WHEEL'S LONG LOST COUSIN! LET'S FUCKING GO LADS! Only 1 fail space of like 30 pass spaces? EASY!... if it wasn't fucking rigged holy fuck. So I guess I end up donating 100 pounds instead. Fine. I didn't need the 100 anyway. Oh and a containment lab huh? I mean I would go to my interview but... curiosity kills the cat. Luckily someone prepared for this and double secured... wait no triple secure... QUADRUPLE SEC... FIVE... SIX... FUCKING SECURES!... and at the end is nothing more than a bundle of roses. Oh how cute. They are gone. I am shitting my pants. Okay... interview ti-OH A MAINTENANCE CLOSET!... yeah it's the broom closet from The Stanley Parable. Have you figured it out yet? This is a very Stanley Parable inspired game. Just like The Stanley Parable, there is nothing here. Okay well there is a little more than nothing.

There's a button which lowers down a wall to reveal a nice barn in the distance. And a nice button right in front of me I'm not supposed to press. But what happens if I do? Well a scary siren plays as a couple of folks desperately try to run away. But it's too little too late as a massive warhead missile drops down. Killing everyone and everything in its short radius... war...hea... oh... fuck me... if I find those roses, I'll be sure to rest them by their grave. May they rest in peace. As for now, the interview. With only a twang of guilt now in my gut. I might have a 1 in 25,000 chance of getting the job. But hey. That's better than no chance at all! The interview starts off like all interviews do. An interview. What's my biggest weakness? Uh... honesty. I hate being honest. And that's being honest. Despite the interviewer disagreeing... I just let my feelings out and tell him that HE'S AWESOME AND A REALLY GREAT INTERVIEWER... oh wait i didn't think i was saying that. Anyways, ooooh art room to check out! 8 of hearts, bookshelf that... allegedly exists only when I look at it... that's a lie, random ass shoes, swaying flower without wind, a freaking invisible dragon statue that's also a lie if it was invisible I could still feel it. I don't feel it. There's nothing there. It's air. But hey, there's a smol chair... it talks. Of course it does. Poor guy feels a little insecure. Hey. Chairs have souls. Remember that. Next up I check out the one and only GRAND EXHIBIT! Oh boy I can't wait to check out the greatest piece of art ever made!... it's out of order... damn... maybe next time. So now it's time for an IQ test. 6 squares before me. Those of which I have to click in a certain order. The sample question is easy enough. Lowest to highest number. Boom I feel smart already. I nail question 1, clicking the living creatures. Question 2, modes of transportation, easy peasy. Question 3, smallest to largest objects? Cake walk. Question 4, Population fewer than 100 million... uh... okay I don't get this wrong. To be fair I don't study countries. No matter. I'll get the next one. Plant matter. Yeah it's a bounce back! Question 6, Cheapest to most expensive. I guess it was either a space station or mansion that was actually more expensive than the ring. Not the yacht. Question 7, Inventions during the 1900s. Not a musket. Question 8, moving with 4 legs? Not a bird. I don't know why I clicked that.

Question 9, Events before 1950. Does my high school history knowledge help? Nope! I guess the Vietnam war was 1955. Well fuck. Alright. One last chance. Slowest to fastest. I guess cars aren't fucking faster than cats. Must've been the fucking horse. Piss buckets. So how'd I do? Eeeemmmaahhh.... 4 of 10... well? It's better than 3 of 10. I still had an IQ of 140! I'll take i... oh... no... 14... just... 14... well? Better than 17! I'll take it! No sadly I couldn't spin the lucky wheel here in the room. It's a fucking tease. Or maybe it's only for those who do really well on the IQ test. And I did piss poorly. Dammit. On my way to the next part of the interview, there's some other things I can check out. Like picking a favorite color and having the magic mirror tell me my fate! Apparently those who picked purple are linked to narcissistic tendencies. Oh come on that's not true. I'm only the 2nd greatest YouTuber in the world! So anyways for the next part of the interview, I get to check out a teleporter! Ooooh fancy! But I could also check out a door that says keep out!... or not... alright fine I'll go in your damn teleporter. Seems like our coordinates were thrown a bit off. Everything looks very... naturey... oh... never mind that was just the nature reserve room... door to it in the same damn room as the teleporter. Moving along, we have now a big test. A button stands before me. If I press it, I will be indefinitely locked out of getting an achievement. What achievement? I don't know. It's just... AH it's so tempting to press the damn button! I want to press it! I've pressed every other button I've seen so far! But alas... I know the right thing to do is not press the button. As tempting as it is, I must move on. I can press a button for a compliment though! Albeit apparently I am so damn positive that it's stressing the machine out. Wow am I really that perfect? So now it's time to judge my moral dilemmas! Starting with a classic. The trol... okay this is not the trolley problem. A lady choosing between chicken and tomato soup. Here's an idea. Get fucking both! Though I guess I did always enjoy tomato a little more. And luckily for the lady, all the store had was tomato soup anyway. And unlike some people, this lady is actually buying soup at a soup store! How about that?

Next up is a choice between blowing up the world and not... and believe me... if you actually convince yourself that you should indeed blow up the world... are you a narcissist? Anyways it's time to move on... wait what about an incinerator? Oh... oh they're throwing my application into an incinerator. Okay good. Clearly they wouldn't be crazy enough to throw ME into an incinerator... right? So time for a visual test... um... so there's like a piece of... bread? on top of a... thing? blocking my way? No interviewer, I can't go around it. I have literally ZERO space to move around it. The bread talks. Of course it does. And it won't move. But it can talk to me about bread or investment advice! Breadbot makes best bread huh? I'll be the judge of tha-I can't have any bread. Fine. What's its damn investment advice? Buy high sell higher. It ain't wrong you know. So how do I get breadbot to move? Well I can give it bread... logically... now I can move onwards. Nothing to see this way huh? Hah. Yeah ri... oh there really was nothing that way. All but a dead end. And yes I waited just to make sure. It truly is just a dead end. But a new path has since opened up. Leading to a confession booth. We're brought to a flashback of the telepo-THE KEEP OUT DOOR IS OPEN! FUCK YES! Now whether this is actually what was behind the door or if it's my imagination... probably that one... oh no Mr. Interviewer is going to scare me? Ooooh I'm soooo scared... maybe I'm a little scared. XD! But there was nothing to be scared of. What a cheap cardboard cutout of a ghost? Wow. What effort. Anyways, back to reality. Turns out when I used the teleporter, I actually died... and now I am a clone of my former self. Deep stuff. Anyways... oh yeah I had an interview to do. It was time for the visual intelligence test. Just a simple memory game. Nothing big... I can study a whole living room in 2 seconds. Piece of cake... okay maybe I needed a little more time. Maybe I'm better at counting sheep... or not. I was debating whether there were 41 or 42. A part of me wanted to say 42. But I clicked 41. And now I am banging my damn head into a wall knowing I should've picked 42. I blame the bear. So it's time to find my final result... but there is a button of misfortune I can check out...

I am so unfazed by the oooh spoopy scary shit that happens. What hackers? Toe stubbing? Pizza's cold? HAH! Microwaves exist! Oh I'm afraid of water? HAH! TEST ME BITCH! XD! I have given myself so much misfortune, that smol chair comes to visit me and is like... "bruh". So now it's time for my res-that's a lie. I get to check out something cooler! The reflector! What does it do? Essentially, it shows what I'll look like in the future! Oooh! Now that is one powerful mirror! Seems like it's quite popular too! Just look at all the happy testimonials! Seems so legit! Let's check it out!... let's check it out!... let's...? Hmm... seems like it takes time. Don't worry I'm sure it won't be long! Ah! Seems like it's ready! Only took 2 minutes-annnd my reflection is dead. Well that gives me hope. Okay. Results time. NOPE! So it turns out. The interviewer realizes... you know about the whole teleporter thing and me being dead. Yeah well technically I was murdered. I mean I guess if the interviewer made the teleporter than... yeah I guess he is responsible. But I get to fix it... not before playing a game of roshambo with Morgana... you know... the one with rock, paper, and scissors? Don't think she knows how to play it though. You can't draw your item and then she draws hers. Yet apparently to her, that's fair. I call bullshit. But she doesn't like chance games. What a spoiled shit. Enough of her, lets check out the world's first time machine... allegedly... the first. So I enter it and... I am right back to the start of the game. Back in the receptionist office. Seems like I am give or take about 20 seconds behind my past self. Poor receptionist's brain is fucking melting trying to decipher how I am back out in the waiting room. Interviewer opens up a hole in the wall, revealing a secret path. Trying to be all shushy but receptionist can hear him. And it upsets her so much that she decides she wants nothing to do with the company anymore. Damn. Just like that huh? Guess that was their last receptionist too... but hey... a new position is open! So now I have 2 of 25000 chances of getting a job! Oh yeah. Seems like the creator of this game has also played Superliminal too. With the whole diet soda joke that first looks like it's saying "DIE DIE DIE". Yeah I've seen that gag before. I was so unfazed. XD!

But before I can access the power room, I must complete a captcha. I'm not a bot. I promise. I can see your fish. I see your lovebird. I see... rock... apparently there's a leopard in image 3? I mean I don't see it. I mean I get they can get really hidden but... oh fuck am I a bot? I just end up clicking all over the image until I pass the captcha. And for the final one, it's so hard it takes an average of 7 hours to solve... and I got it in 2 seconds. Wow. So hard. What do you mean the bear behind me turned around? So now it's time to do the right thing. Shut off the power and stop the teleporter from ever working in the first place. BUT... if I press it then... I no longer exist. This... clone version of me... I mean... I don't want to not exist! Ah! Such a hard choice! Only 20 seconds! FUCK WHAT DO I DO? AHHHH! THE DILEMMA! I PRESS IT AND ORIGINAL ME STAYS ALIVE BUT I DIE AND I DON'T PRESS IT AND I DIE! OH FUCK TIME IS RUNNING LOW I HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION... i don't press the button. So we really did just use that time machine for nothing. But hey... I got the job! HUZZAH! And now it's time to use a tele... this shit again? But this one uses a wormhole. So this one is good. With that, remember that opening hallway? The one with all the closed doors? Well now I get to access a handful of them. Not all of them. But I can access the break room, hallway, executive room, prologue, and of course, the DLC. All of which I will check out next time. Ahhh it's such a good game I don't want to stop playing. But if I do then I'd have to write a longer blog article. And believe me...

I'm not a fan of writing long blogs. XD!