Rare has a chance to do the funniest thing.

Remember when I talked about Druaga1? The tech YouTuber known for... weed and... SSDs and... macs? Well there was a reason why I got this game. Apparently Druaga has... a STRONG hatred for the Croc games. Which is why I got this game! XD! Is it truly that bad?

So we get in and... oh okay... logo intro sequence with the production of a big movie I guess. And then we get into the game itself and... well yeah it definitely has that feel of a classic Nintendo 64 game. Mario 64 or Banjo-Kazooie feel. The land is inhabited by many creatures here. These things called Gobbos find this cute little Crocodile creature and call it their own. They would raise it until it grew big and strong. And all was well until... bigger and stronger and also meaner dude shows up to the party as he and his minions begin kidnapping the little Gobbos. How dare they? So King Gobbo calls on... little tweety bird to take Groc to safety as our little king gets locked in a cage. And now it's time to save these little dudes. Starting with 1-1 "And so the adventure begins". Something you should know is that these levels, at least these first few are pretty easy. I mean I guess these games are tailored towards younger children. I get familiar with the controls and then realize... fuck why am I playing this on keyboard? So I plug in my Switch controller and play the rest on with that. These levels have gems of a regular variety and 5 special colored ones too. Gobbos are also scattered through these levels. Along with mystery crates. No you can't push them. I tried. Also you have to... double press the jump button to ground pound? What in the fuck developer thought that was a good idea? Not jump and then a shoulder button like a normal game? Oh and here's my next issue with this game. Depth perception. The next area has some platforms over a pool of lava. Seems easy right? I wish it was. The next area features this snake thing that comes out of a well. There's also a door I can go through but only if I have all 5 colored gems. There's a dirt worm creature and a bird gong to only when I hit it do I realize that means beat the level. You know I feel kind of unsatisfied not doing everything I could've done. Did I say this would only be an any% run? Nah. I want to 100% it now. So I work towards collecting all the Gobbos and colored gems in this level. Even including finding more goodies in Mr. Snake's well. But even after that, I've only found 4 of 5 colored gems and 4 of 6 Gobbos. Where the hell are the rest of them?

Welcome back to another edition of "Where the fuck do I go?"! I am amazed I eventually figured out that you can break the wooden top on these wells. I am able to find the final colored gem and the 5th Gobbo. And through the color gem door is a bonus area filled with treasures and the final Gobbo to save. Oh yeah. We're 100%ing this game alright. I mean again the game is tailored for children. Going to 1-2 "Underground overground", it is definitely underground. right off the bat there is a Gobbo in a cage. Where is the key? I'll find out some day. I do see an area up top with a balloon and door. How do I get there? I try to ride along the edge of the cave walls to no success. I do eventually find the key. It's on a platform... far from my fucking reach. And I will soon realize why I can't get to it. And it's so fucking clever. For now i just head back to the outside, find a Gobbo to my left, a colored gem to my right, and very sloppily make my way across a pool of lava. I could beat the level here. But this is a 100% run here. A crate over here has the next Gobbo. 2 crates respawn when I go back to the underground area where I find out I can use them as platforms to get up and collect the key. Clever shit game. Clever shit. Still doesn't answer the question on how the fuck I am supposed to get up to the balloon and door. But after I have to restart the level because... I died... I discover in the first section, a part of the wall I can climb up on. Where I also find a colored gem. And a shit load of regular gems to. Be careful of the little demon guy though. He'll take his little wand and hurt you. Inside the well is an underground area with one of those Mr. Snake wells. I climb some more of these mystery crates to collect 2 more colored gems. One of the crates also holds a Gobbo. Oh yeah, the door leads to that area here in the underground that had the door and balloon. And if you were wondering, the balloon just take you back down safely. Is it really needed though? I don't know. There doesn't seem to be fall damage in this game. I open the cage holding the Gobbo... only to later realize I made a severe lapse. But anyways, I make it through the color gem door... and when I fucking figure out depth perception can I break a tall tower of crates to free another Gobbo.

I beat the level and... wait I missed a Gobbo? So you know that cage I opened that had the Gobbo in it? Yeah turns out I opened the cage but never touched the fucking Gobbo. Opening the cage isn't enough. Well don't I feel fucking stupid? So now I go back and make sure I TOUCH every Gobbo and then beat the level. And move on to 1-3 "Shouting Lava Lava Lava". It is very lava filled here. This level also introduces controllable arrow platforms. You can move them up and down... or left and right depending on how you look at it. It's a 2 way ride. There's these shiny sparkles near this big rock which takes me to a bonus platformer section. I guess there isn't much you get out of it. Maybe other than a couple extra lives. After that, I hop over to a choice. Well or door? I choose the well to play a game of follow the Gobbo! Man so hard. Not really. I freed the guy my first try. The door leads to a little underground area with platforms. One with a colored gem, one with a key, and one with a Gobbo. I figured maybe I could get from the gem platform to the one with the key if I was high enough. But I seemed even then to be just out of reach. Until I realized the box with arrows on it? I can move! Well shit that changes everything! I open the door which leads to a stair case of item boxes. Don't break any of them like I almost did. Up top is a Gobbo and colored gem. Only then did I check those boxes. From top to bottom too. All filled with standard gems. Back outside, I need to find a way to free the Gobbo from the cage. Up top is 2 more colored gems. In the colored gem door is... I guess some sort of minigame where it's like... whack a mole? But I just need to hit the button that's pointing to the hole with the mole sticking out. Doing that gets me the Gobbo. Going back out, I find a key behind the bird gong that lets me free the final Gobbo. Off to... 1-B1? "Lair of the Feeble". I thought maybe this was a bonus level so I went back to 1-3 and beat it the normal way. Nope. This is the next level regardless. Welp. I just wasted time. And lives too. I accidentally went back to that bonus section. I thought maybe I could fall off and go back down to the main level? HEHE NOPE! I definitely lost some lives there just trying to go extremely quick.

Once I got out of there, I was able to move on to the next level. Where we meet our big bad scary dude again. And turns a duck into... well you know how the pig in Minecraft originally looked like the what we now know as Creeper? Well our duck friend here is an OG Minecraft pig creeper. Is he really hard to beat? Not really. Just wait until it pauses and attack it. 3 hits and it's dead. WOW SUCH A HARD BOSS! XD! And then on to 1-S1 "The curvy caverns". Curvy is right. There is a cage here I need to open up. But there's no Gobbo inside. No it's... a button. Which I should've opened the cage to press the button first because I totally do shit the wrong order by hopping across a pool of lava to find a box with a heart in it but with no way back I just lose that life I just got. Had I just done shit right, collect the key to open the cage and press the button, there would've been a nicely placed platform in the middle of that lava pool so I don't even get hurt. I move on in this cave, ride the rocky Ferris Wheels and... huh... well fuck I think this game is actually trying to be Banjo. Because do you know what I find? You will never believe this but... IT'S A FUCKING PUZZLE PIECE! How the fuck have the developers of this game never gone to court with Rare yet? That or Microsoft? XD! Collecting the piece also completes the level. Good. I think after all that... I need a break from this game. Yeah I'm sorry but I don't deal with... copy cats? XD! In all realness though, the game isn't too bad. Is it... maybe too easy? Sure. But let's remember...

This is a fucking children's game.