That's just gross.

Just like UFO 50, Garbage Pail Kids: Mad Mike and the Quest for Stale Gum is an 8-bit inspired game based on the card set parodying Cabbage Patch Kids. In an adventurous yet difficult platforming game.

After dealing with technical difficulties right off the bat... yeah so maybe connect your controller after you reach the menu screen. This game has a very DuckTales like mechanic in which you can select whatever stage you want to hop in to. I figure the Stone Age is the best place to start. And flush away we go! You start as the star himself, Mad Mike. Looks like in this stone age stage, we're set off to collect some fossilized foot fungus. Ew. But then again this is the Garbage Pail Kids. One of the first things you can do is trade some of your cards with this old lady. I originally didn't realize you can offer multiple cards. I just thought this woman was a stingy bitch who didn't want to trade a soul. You know it's not a stone age level if there aren't massive ass bones sticking out of the water. Eh this Mad Mike character is boring. Let me play as Adam Bomb and... oh... nevermind I didn't realize he wasn't a playable character. He's an action character. And I just wasted his ass. Alright cool. Guess I'll stick with Mike as I take down shitting birds and frog boys. The next forest area also has these... ladies flinging I guess shit strings at me? Hey I didn't grow up with Garbage Pail Kids give me a break okay? The next bone section features scorpion babies. Ouch. Yeah this is where the demise of Mike gets met as I am switched over to Luke Puke. He can vomit at will to take these gross beings down. It's also where I realize there is a character select screen where you can switch to 1 of 4 characters. Mad Mike, Luke Puke, Leaky Lindsay, and Patty Putty. Patty is a bouncy boy and Leaky has a snot projectile attack. Yeah being unfamiliar with this game, I burn through all my kids... rather quickly. But that's typical of me being shit ass with old platformer NES games. Back to the very beginning. I do realize you can use the select button as a quick kid switch. Convenient. Oh yeah? If a kid goes to the water? Just... pure instant death. Not even just a loss of a heart no... you just lose that kid entirely. A burst of invincibility lets me make it to the... I guess the city part of the level. So how about those power cards? Well there's one I think is actually quite useful. Mad Max will revive a kid you lost. Okay that's cool. Got my boy Mike back! Just be careful of the fart clouds. You can't attack them.

Unfortunately my time with Mike was very short lived. Those scorpions are absolute BS to deal with especially in such tight areas. The next section is very stone age like. This is where the peasant stone agers live. This area also has a new... I don't know what to call it. We'll call it zombie fly trap. And peeking barfing babies too. Be careful, those fly traps can really... REALLY extend downwards and potentially attack you. I meet with trader lady again. I get a Joy Rider card in exchange for 3 of my cards... which also makes me realize I was originally offering nothing to her before. Oh no wonder she felt so stingy. Next area... oh yeah it's the stone age. And a stone age needs a volcano. And skeleton girls who can FUCKING THROW THEIR OWN HEAD AT YOU AS A WEAPON! Well that caught me off guard. Restarting again... and again... But I eventually make it back, also holding on to an invincibility I can use on this section. After dealing with hopping witches, I make it to the cave of acid. Just don't go into the big acid waterfalls. Those hurt. It's also this section where I definitely better utilize my characters. After nearly thinking I got softlocked, I was able to find the door to the boss of the stone age. Who is a... uh... giant... bug... dinosaur... boney... thing... and look! The foot fungus! That's what I need! But collecting it ain't gonna be easy. Not when this fucker starts shooting its hex nuts at me. I guess I have to make them shoot up at this fuckers face. I take it down and the fungus is mine. Man that was difficult but I got it done...

the fuck you mean there was a save and rewind feature oh SON OF A BITCH!