Them do be some powerful cards!

It's the Winter Jackpot. So it's fitting I get a card game during this series. I've never played poker. But Balatro helps me learn the basics. With some fun little extra elements! How many times will I go all in during this stream?

Getting into the game, I am met by Mr. Joker Card who teaches me how to play. My goal being to get enough chips to defeat the blind. 3 per ante. Starting with a small blind where I only need 300 chips to win. Just like poker, there's several kinds of hands I can play. Each scoring a certain amount of chips. Straight flush being 5 consecutive cards with the same suit. Scoring 800 base points. 4 of a kind obviously being 4 cards of the same rank. Scoring 420 base points... heh... 420. Full house being 3 cards of one suit and 2 of another. Scoring 160 base points. Flush being 5 cards of the same suit. 140 base points there. Straights being similar to the straight flush. Except the cards don't need to be the same suit. 120 base points there. 3 of a kind being 3 cards of the same rank. So for example, 3 7's. 90 base points there. 2 pair being 2 pairs of same rank cards. For example, 2 4's and 2 queen's. 40 base points there. Then there's a single pair with 20 base points. And high card being whatever the highest value card is. 5 base points there. Now I say base points because the value of each card gets added to the score before the multiplier. I can see how many chips each card will give me. Standard 2 through 9 cards being worth their number. Royalty cards being worth 10. And aces being 11. I play 2 9 cards here for a single pair. With 9's being worth their value, I get 56 out of 300 points there. Next, if there are any cards in my hand I don't like, I can always give those up and discard them. I do so with a King of spades, Queen of hearts, Jack of spades, 7 of hearts, and 2 of diamonds. I am told I only have so many hands and discards to play. So I better use them wisely. I discard a 10 of spades, Jack of clubs, and 7 of diamonds. I get a 2 pair from playing a 6 of spades, 6 of diamonds, 5 of hearts, and 5 of diamonds. Getting me 84 chips. I need 160 still in 2 hands. I discard a Jack of hearts, 8 of spades, 8 of diamonds, and 7 of clubs. And then an Ace of hearts, Queen of diamonds, 9 of diamonds, and 7 of spades. With no more discards yet, I have to find cards to play. I do find 2 kings and 2 3's for a 2 pair. Getting me 92 points and leaving me with 68 points left to grab.

I find an ace, Queen, 10, 6, and 4 all of clubs. 304 points which is well more than enough to defeat the Small Blind! Now that I cash out, I am able to get some money for the post-round shop. Yes. There is a shop system in this game. I can use the money I get to buy stuff like Joker and Tarot cards. Joker cards contributing to my score. Tarot cards can upgrade certain cards I have selected. Like for the one I did select, it enhances 2 cards into mult cards. I can also buy vouchers to upgrade my run too. Like getting +1 card per round permanently. And if I want, I can try my luck on a card pack too. Anyways, I now attack the Big Blind where I need 450 chips. And then there's the boss blind. This one being The Hook which will discard 2 random cards in my hand. I need 600 chips there. I just do the Big Blind for now. I then use my Empress tarot card for 2 Jack cards. And then I play those cards along with 2 3's for the 2 pair. All that plus my joker card which adds 4 to the multiplier lets me defeat the Big Blind on my first fucking play. 644 out of 450 chips! I don't buy anything from the shop and go right to The Hook. I'm not very happy with this first hand. So I discard a King of diamonds, Queen of hearts, Jack of clubs, and 9 of spades. And then a Queen of clubs, Jack of diamonds, and 8 of clubs. With that, I'm able to play a 7 of hearts, 6 of diamonds, 5 of hearts, 4 of clubs, and 3 of hearts for the straight! Right off the bat gets me 440 chips. And then I play a 4 of hearts, 4 of diamonds, 2 of hearts, and 2 of diamonds for the 2 pair. That will get me 192 and allow me to defeat The Hook! Hell yeah! In the shop, I buy a joker card which will give me a +1 mult per consecutive hand played without scoring a face card. So if I understand, it gives me a bonus if I don't play a King, Queen, or Jack. I also get a voucher which gives me +1 discard each round. I'm back to the Small Blind and I need 600 chips. I play a 5 of clubs, 5 of diamonds, 3 of spades, 3 of hearts, and 3 of diamonds for the full house. Scoring me 531 chips. And then an Ace of hearts, 9 of hearts, 8 of hearts, 7 of hearts, and 2 of hearts for the flush. Getting me 720 chips. Well overshooting my goal!

I pick up a new joker card which gives me a +12 mult if my hand is a straight. Oh boy that's a powerful joker card! I go against the Big Blind where i need 1200 chips. I discard a Jack of clubs, 6 of spades, 5 of clubs, 4 of clubs, and 2 of spades. After realizing 5 of the same suit was a flush, not a straight, I discard a King of hearts, 2 of hearts, and 2 of clubs. And then I play a King of diamonds, Queen of hearts, Jack of hearts, 10 of clubs, and 9 of hearts for the straight. Which gets me ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY CHIPS! WOW! Big Blind CRUSHED! I open up a spectral pack in the shop. From there I get a card which adds polychrome to a random joker while destroying the other ones. That one upgrades my non-face card joker. And then a card that destroys 1 random card in my hand and adds 2 enhanced aces to it. Now it's time for The Window which debuffs all diamond cards. Making them worth nothing. I discard an Ace of clubs, 5 of diamonds, 3 of spaces, and 2 of hearts. And then a Queen of clubs, 10 of hearts, 10 of diamonds, and 3 of clubs. I play a 9 of spades, 8 of hearts, 7 of diamonds, 6 of hearts, and 5 of spades for a straight. Starting me off with 435. I play an Ace of spades, Ace of diamonds, Jack of spades, and Jack of hearts for a 2 pair giving me 459 more out of a needed 1600. I throw out a King of clubs, Jack of diamonds, 10 of clubs, 8 of clubs, and 6 of diamonds. Then a 10 of spades, 8 of diamonds, 7 of spades and clubs, and a 2 of diamonds. I play an Ace, Queen, 9, 5, and 3 of hearts for the flush granting me 438 more, putting me up to 1332. With 1 hand left in play along with 1 discard. I discard an Ace of hearts, Queen of diamonds, Jack of clubs, 5 of clubs, and 3 of diamonds. From there I get a HUGE full house with a 4 of spades, hearts, and clubs and a 2 of spades and clubs. Putting me up to 1752 and defeating The Window! Dude I am getting good at this game! I open up a celestial pack and get the Earth card which levels up my full house giving +2 mult and +25 chips! In the next Small Blind, I need 2000. I play a queen of spades and hearts and a 6 of hearts and clubs for a two pair. Putting me to 156... not the greatest start though given I only have 3 hands left to play.

I discard a 10 of clubs, 8 of spades, 7 of hearts, 5 of spades, and 3 of clubs. And then a King of spades, Jack of hearts, 9 of spades, 7 of spades, and 5 of hearts. Then a 3 and 2 of spades... I am using a lot of discards here as I then discard an 8 of hearts and 5 of clubs. At least I can play an Ace, King, 8, 7, and 3 of diamonds for a flush. Giving me a more respectable 624 and putting me up to 780 total. I play a 3 of a kind with an Ace of spades, clubs, and diamonds. Putting me up to 1158 chips... so I need to somehow get 842 with 1 hand and no discards yet. AND BOY IS LUCK EVER ON MY FUCKING SIDE! 9 of hearts and clubs and a 4 of spades, hearts, and diamonds for a full house bringing me to 2298! Defeating the Small Blind! The comeback is real I tell you! In the shop I open up an Arcana Pack. I pick the Devil card which enhances 1 card into a gold card. The Big Blind, I need 300 chips in 4 hands with 5 discards. I discard a Queen of hearts and clubs along with a 6 of spades, and a 3 and 2 of hearts. Trying to set up the flush here. I then throw out an Ace of hearts, 8 and 7 of clubs, and 6 of diamonds. And I can get the flush with 2 aces, and a King, Jack, and 4 of Diamonds... I don't know how I got 2 Ace of diamonds but I think it has something to do with the arrows on the 2nd one. I am 666 chips in of 3000 needed. I toss out a Queen and Jack of spades, 7 and 4 of hearts and 2 of spades along with an Ace of clubs, 8 of diamonds, 6 of clubs, and 2 of clubs. Then I play a 9 of spaces, clubs, and diamonds and a 3 of clubs and diamonds for the full house! Putting me up to 1695. I play an Ace of spades and hearts and a 6 of spades and clubs for the 2 pair. I somehow need 993 chips in 1 hand with 1 discard. I discard a King of spades, Jack of clubs, 10 of hearts, and 9 of hearts. And with that... I am left with a Queen of diamonds, 10 of diamonds, 7 of spades, 6 of hearts, 4 of spades, 4 of clubs, 3 of spades, and 2 of diamonds... yeah I ain't winning this round sadly. I just turn in a single pair which puts me up to 2142 total. 858 short of the needed 3000. Well for my first run of this game, I don't think I did too bad! Well it's back to the start with a new run. 300 chips needed for the Small Blind here.

I turn in an 8 of spades and clubs for the pair. Putting me up to 52. I discard a King of hearts, Jack of clubs, 10 of spaces, and 3 of spades. Looking back now, I didn't even notice I could've gotten a straight... wasn't paying attention enough. I do get a 2 pair with a 4 of spades and diamonds and a 2 of hearts and clubs. Putting me up to 116. Then I play a 9 of hearts, clubs, and diamonds and a 5 of hearts and diamonds for the full house. Which puts me to 424, defeating the Small Blind. I get a joker card which adds +3 mult for diamond suits in my hand. I think I like that! With 450 chips needed here in 4 hands with 4 discards, I toss out a King of diamonds, Queen of spades, Queen of clubs, and 3 of clubs. And then I discard a 7 of clubs, and 2 of hearts and clubs. And I can play a 7 of spades, 6 of diamonds, 5 of hearts, 4 of diamonds, and 3 of diamonds for the straight. And with my Joker card, my score is 55 times 13... I think that'll be well the fuck over 450. And it is with 715! I get a Uranus card which levels up my 2 pair giving it +1 mult and +20 chips. Then I open a standard pack as I get a 10 of hearts with a blue seal on it. +10 chips and +4 mult there. I am thrown now into The Psychic in which I must play a full 5 cards in each hand. 4 hands, 4 discards. I discard a Jack of spades, 6 of clubs, 5 of diamonds, and 3 of spades. And then I play an Ace, Queen, Jack, 9, and 6 of hearts for the flush. A hand using 5 cards! Putting me up to 324 of the 600 needed. I discard away an Ace of Diamonds, King of spades, Jack of clubs and 10 of hearts and then turn in an 8 of spades, clubs, and diamonds and then 3 of hearts and clubs for a full house. Which gets me to 814. Defeating The Psychic! In the shop, I get a voucher for gaining +1 hand per round permanently. Then it's on to attack a Small Blind. 800 needed here. I discard an Ace of clubs, 10 of diamonds, 4 of diamonds, and 2 of clubs. And then an Ace of spades, 8 of clubs, and 2 of spades. I'm trying to set up a straight here. Just need a 5 here. But when I see I have an 8 of spades and diamonds and a 6 of hearts and diamonds, I forget the straight and take the 2 pair. Plus the diamonds help with the joker card that increases the multiplier. Glad I took that because I'm now at 612 of the needed 800.

And then a 9 of spades and clubs and a 4 of hearts and clubs gets me to 810! In purchase a Chariot tarot card which enhances 1 card into steel. For the Big Blind, I need 1200. I start with a queen of spades and hearts and a 3 or hearts and diamonds. Starting me with 396 chips. I see a lot of diamonds in my hand which is big for me. I discard the Ace of clubs, king of clubs, 4 of hearts, and 2 of spades. And then I am able to turn in the Jack, 10, 9, 7, and 5 of diamonds. You think 79 times 19 gets me over 1200? Of course it does! 1840 chips for the round and the Big Blind is defeated! I don't get anything from the shop. Going into The Window where diamond cards are debuffed... well fuck... I discard out a King of diamonds, 9 of hearts, 7 of clubs, and 6 of diamonds. And then the Jack of diamonds, 10 of diamonds, 5 of spades, 2 of spades, and 2 of hearts. And then the king of clubs, queen of spades and clubs, and 5 of clubs and 3 of spades... I am not liking these cards I am getting. I use another discard as I throw out an Ace of spades, 10 and 8 of hearts and a 4 of clubs. With no more discards, I have to start playing cards. I play a 3 of hearts and clubs which... helps not. I turn one of the 10's in my hand silver as I play that and another for another pair. 3 more hands to play and I still need 1388 chips. All I can play here is a 9 of spades and diamonds. But that gets me nothing in terms of chips. I play a 7 of hearts and diamonds and 5 of hearts and diamonds. But I am still 1194 chips away. I don't think I'm getting there. I end up conceding defeat by playing a 6 of spades and hearts and 4 of spades and hearts. Yeah I was well off at the end.

Never thought I'd ever say I got bested by some glass... goodness...