WEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I am honestly stunned Mr. Wheel had mercy for game 13 of The Winter Jackpot. Giving me Planet Coaster 2 and not some horror game like I'm On Observation Duty 5... I mean seriously what kind of idiot would get that game? Me?... oh... right... fuck...

So I jump into the Career mode because only a crazy dude would try to just sandbox this right off the bat. I actually want to know how this game works. I am greeted by Oswald B. Thompson. CEO of Coaster Coast. I assume the name of this here amusement park. And I am joined too by Eugene Newton. Letting me become an official inductee into getting into amusement park training! I start with the important basics like camera control! Moving it, rotating it, and zooming it. After that, it's time to build a ride! HUZZAH! This is what we came here for! So what will this giant rollercoaster ride be? Something fast? Thrilling? Dangerous? Down right deadly? Uh... no... it's a... tiny... dinky... teacup ride... bruh... that's not exciting. Whatever... I guess this is about the basics. I put down the ride along with entrance and exit gates. Along with pathways for both. No you can't connect just 1 path for both. That would be stupid. Then I control ticket prices. In this case, I set tickets here to bargain. Want to get customers properly introduced to this ride after all! After that, I am given a brief over view of the park rating. Better the park, the better the rating. And so far the rating is... uh... well at least the scenery is nice! For the reputation though? Oh boy... I think maybe people did die in this park... how the fuck is it still open? That or maybe because there's no drink station at this park. Okay really dude? You have this big ass park and no way for people to quench their thirst? That should be down right illegal! So I find a nice little soda joint to put down. And of course when you drink, you also need to piss. A bathroom will do the trick!... if the game can dare detect I put down a fucking bathroom. Either I have no clue what I am doing or the game is just broken because even though I put down a bathroom, the game apparently thinks I didn't. Albeit the quest does say build AND OPEN a toilet. Wish I could actually open the fucking toilet. I end up redoing everything here. Putting a new soda joint in. And this time I put the bathroom right next to it with the front facing the same direction now. And logically with how big this park is, people will be getting tired. A few benches will do nicely. Plus some trash bins for people to throw their soda cups away in.

Going back to my teacup ride, it's fun yes... but... presentation? Boring as hell. How about some random ass Mythology structures? Yes. That'll spice things up nicely! How about something super boring like... electricity? Wow. fun. There's a power facility in the distance I can connect to the grid... assuming I can get it my first try. And obviously to make sure all these systems keep running, I must hire some mechanics... which... the park had none of HOW IS THIS PLACE OPEN???? Now that we have mechanics... it's right off to work with them to fix up a busted Ferris Wheel... wow who hadn't heard of that before? Along with that, we'll give employees a nice small ass break room and a small ass workshop to use. I guess employee buildings are indicated by the special paths to them. Dare a customer step on an employee path and they will... feel absolutely no effects. This game is trying to mimic real life remember? What did you think I'd say they'd blow up if they stepped on the employee path? Good grief get a grip on reality. So with my mechanics, I gain research points I can use to spend on knowledge said workers can know. Why dare hire people who already have experience? So... 23 minutes into my playthrough and holy fuck I am just now building a coaster. About fucking time. Do I get to make a sick ass custom one and design all the loops and turns and thrills?... no... it's... it's all a prebuild. Wow this game is so not fun. XD! I don't know why it needs to be tested, I didn't fucking design it! Shockingly it passes testing and now it's time to advertise it! While that gains attention for that ride, I check out a more fun aspect of the game. Actually being able to experience the rides! Using the ride camera, I get virtual front seat access to the rides. It's like I'm really there! And boy... what a thrill this Mythological ride was! Uh oh Medusa! Don't stare straight into her eyes! It was a fun and thrilling ride! And that did it for the Keys to the coaster section. Next up, we take a SWIM into our next unit of training! It's not an amusement park if there's no water park! In this very empty water park, I install a beautiful looking pool. And of course it only makes sense to have a changing room and dryer room too. And if people want to get into the pool, they have to go through a guest services first too!

And of course to ensure the pool can stay open... it's essential to install a water pump and filter! Wouldn't want to be swimming around in mud now huh? And for those who don't want a swim, I am also told to place down some sun loungers... I definitely think I should've had to put more than 3... but I'm just doing what I am told. If they want 3 loungers, they get 3 loungers. Along with 2 ladders and a diving board... I assume that should probably be fine given that the board is only like... 2 inches from the water. And of course with every pool you'll have to make sure that-OH SHIT SOMEONE IS DROWNING! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WE DON'T HAVE A LIFEGUARD? HOLY FUCK THIS PARK WASN'T READY TO OPEN AT ALL! Welp time to quickly hire a lifeguard to save that poor child before they drown and then a huge fucking lawsuit comes in. Anyways... now that crisis is averted, it's time to build a 2nd pool. This time one of my own custom shape and size. Though I do try to stay along the base shape that I can see. It's not pretty but... it'll do. Now it's time to install a... flume... why they can't call it a fucking slide is beyond me. Then again these people also did say Ad-vert-is-mint. Could my design have been better? Well yeah definitely. But I don't think a basic looper will kill anyone. After spending 10 years figuring out how to put down an entrance, it was time to test it. And also find out there are already problems like the water pump not being accessible to staff... well now that's not my fucking problem. Not now because I was never told how to make that shit accessible. All that matters is that I open the slide. After buying some new land for the park, that is where I end off for the night. I do admit, this game is fun for teaching the basics of building an amusement park.

But then the realism dies the fuck away when you can build a whole pool in 0.005 seconds.