Nein.

The Lions would face pretty much their hardest opponent of the season in the Philadelphia Eagles... and given how the Lions have played against good teams this year... yeah I had zero fucking expectations. Yeah the Lions played a good game against the Commanders. But this would be a serious step up.

Lions won the coin toss and deferred. Bold fucking move... and some fucking how it worked out given the Eagles would go a total of... 8 yards. Granted there negative yards after an offensive holding call. I am amazed the Lions held Philly to a punt on their first drive. I mean I guess Philly didn't look great offensively last week against the Packers. So now a Lions drive starting from the 14 starts good. But it ends very... VERY shortly after Goff's pass for Wright is picked off all the way to the Lions 11. Alright cool so now the Eagles are knocking on the fucking door of scoring. That's just great. But most amazingly though, despite being on the 11, Detroit's defense only holds Philly to a field goal to make it 3-0 Eagles. Well hey... I guess that's better than giving up 6 plus a potential PAT. Alright Lions... just... shake it off. We'll be fine. Let's just go down the field now... Dan Campbell is calling the calls and... We go 3 and out... and we punt... and then Philly gets the ball... and then they punt. Our next drive has some big plays. Jamo with 9 yards, Monty with 10, Jamo with a 19 yard reception... we punt... Philly goes 3 and out and they punt... oh I'm sorry Eagles you thought Barkley would just freely take you to the end zone? 4th and 1 from the Lions own 48 and Dan does what Dan do and go for it... they didn't get it... Jalen Fucking Hurts throws 3 straight incompletions and Philly punts okay this is suddenly becoming a very defensive battle. Lions very quickly go 3 and out and look to punt. Nevermind it's a fake and Philly saw it right a-fucking-way. Philly ball now and they have a much better drive. Though Anzalone just absolutely buries Barkley down to the ground for an 8 yard loss and Philly settles for 3. Holy fuck more points are scored... to the wrong team but something happened. Detroit gets the ball now and... holy... fucking... shit... St. Brown with 34 yards and then JAMESON WILLIAMS WITH A FOURTY YARD TOUCHDOWN RECEPTION! LET'S FUCKING GO WE'RE ABOUT TO TAKE THE LE... jameson williams gets an unsportsmanlike because he jumped up on the padding of the field goal posts and bates pat is no good because the wind is hell fucking dammit jamo.

So instead of a lead, it's a 6-6 tie. Oh and guess fucking what? Philly responds right away! Because why wouldn't they? Just chipping down the field and Eagles do their signature fucking tush push to score and take the lead. And then Goff kneels to end the half because Detroit gets the ball to start the 2nd half anyway. Despite 2 big plays, Detroit finds themself going for it on 4th and 5... despite the fact they could probably take the points... don't know how heavy the wind was but it would be about a 49 yarder from here. But the Lions offense stays on the field. Do they convert? Uh... no. Holy fuck the Lions suck balls on 4th down. But holy shit this Lions defense is holding down the fort. Eagles go 3 and out AGAIN! Lions finally get a good fucking drive going. You can count a beautiful fucking 42 yard catch and run for Gibbs. You know... fucking child's play. And the Lions have 1st and Goal at the 8 yard line! Alright let's tie this game up! It's about time!... 2 yard pass... 2 yard run... 1 yard run... 4th and Goal at the three TAKE THE POINTS-nope you're going for it. And Goff is instantly fucking pressured. He's pissing his pants. He throws the ball. It's way off. It's a turnover on downs. FUCK! That good fucking drive ends in NOTHING! That seriously pissed me off. And with how the defense has been holding up the fort, the Lions seriously should've taken the 3 pointer and call it a fucking day. But no. It's still 13-6 Eagles. Very quickly Philly gets out of trouble with a 34 yard pass to Jahan Dotson. Add 15 more from an Unnecessary Roughness call on Branch who also gets injured too. Just fucking great. At least Roy Lopez and Aiden Hutchinson sack up Hurts for an 11 yard loss and to which after a 3rd and 15 incompletion, the Eagles punt. So... do both offenses just suck or are both defenses just godly? Lions as per tradition start their drive decently with another 33 yard pass for Gibbs. And that's all she wrote really. Lions go for it AGAIN on 4th and 3 AND DON'T FUCKING GET IT! OH MY GOSH LIONS YOU ARE ASS ON FOURTH DOWN TONIGHT! On 3rd and 11, Hurts throws a 10 yard pass to A.J. Brown so it is 4th and 1... not because fucking Amik Robertson had Holding fuck me.

Eagles take slow chips down the field and get within field goal range. To which... they take a field goal on 4th and 4. Eagles scored points. That'll get Philly fired up. Lions don't go 3 and out. Yet they essentially do really. After Gibbs runs for 11, it's 3 straight incompletions. And a punt. Eagles basically mirror the Lions with 1 good 17 yard pass to Dallas Goedert. And then essentially go 3 and out. Can't tush push this time on a 4th and 1 as a False Start sets Philly back 5 yards and then they punt. Hey a Lions score sounds so fucking good right about now. We can start with a 27 yard pass to Jamo! That's something! The Lions don't do jack squat afterwards. The Lions punt... AGAIN! Which was less than ideal with little time left in the game and being down by 10. However... what I believe happens next... is the most... unbelievably magical thing... any... ANY... NFL team could do... do these green feathered fiends... the Lions... stopped... the Eagles... on a 4th... and 1... tush push... they... stopped them. Jalen Hurts... could not advance the ball... and it's... a turnover on downs... dare I say I shed a tear... and then I shed 60 million more tears because the Lions couldn't do FUCKING SQUAT ON OFFENSE! Goff is sacked for a loss of 7, his pass to St. Brown is incomplete... but at least Jake Bates nailed a 54 yarder. We're only within a touchdown now! Just need to stop the birds! 3rd and 8, just need to stop the Eagles AND WE DO YES IT'S FOURTH DO... defensive pass interference?... DEFENSIVE PASS INTERFERENCE??? oh my gosh... the refs are Eagles fans! I CALLED IT! That will go down as a HORRIBLE controversial call for Detroit. But why am I shocked? The Lions are notoriously known for getting beyond shit referee calls. And this will go down as one of them. If anything it should've been OFFENSIVE pass interference or a no fucking call at all! But no. the refs gave Philly a free 1st down and then ended the fucking game. Final score, 16-9 Eagles... the Detroit Lions... one of the highest scoring offenses in the league... was held... to nine... fucking... points. Yep. Spam the fucking panic button. Because this game brings up concerns like no fucking other.

Now yes I will say this. The Eagles are a good football team. No they're not as good. But I knew coming into this game, especially after seeing what Philly did to Green Bay just the week prior that this would be no easy gimme. I give... unbelievable credit to that Lions defense. There is no shame to how Kelvin Sheppard played with his toys. I mean holding the fucking defending champs to under 20 points, only 1 touchdown is absolutely amazing. To that defense, I am not mad at you. You did everything you could've done. It's just that fucking offense dude. Yes I know Philly's defense looked elite that night too. Let me remind you however that the fucking New York Giants put up 34 points against this team. The Bucs who only put up 9 points against the Lions put up 25 points against the Eagles. The Vikings put up 22 points against the Eagles. The Broncos put up 21 points. You see what I'm getting at? It's possible to be competitive on both sides against this team. This was completely fucking one sided for Detroit. And yeah... right now there are concerns about this Lions team. Now yes they play the Giants next week in Detroit that should be an easy dub. But you get what I am saying here? The only victories the Lions have had so far were against easy opponents. If you mean to tell me you can't even squeak out one win against a good team... okay yes you could argue the wins against Tampa and Baltimore. But still... there's going to be questions going into if this team makes the post-season. Which they should. Honestly? Looking at the Lions upcoming schedule, I still see at least 4 of 6 wins here. Giants, Cowboys, Steelers, and Bears. Packers is a maybe because they honestly haven't looked great after week 2. Lions have shown they can definitely beat the Rams. It'll be tougher being in LA. Maybe if the Lions show more competitiveness in Minnesota they can maybe split the season series against the Vikings. That would put Detroit at a theoretical 10-7 record. And yes you can go to the post-season at 10-7. And the Lions right now are only 1 game out of 1st in the North. Right now that place going to... the... fucking... Bears?

holy shit we are in a cursed timeline.