Flacc-oh no!

The Lions are once again in Detroit to take on the Cleveland Browns. A team with an (allegedly) elite defense... and that's about it. Their offense? Uh... well it was enough to beat the Packers the previous week so... that's something?

Starting into the game, Detroit would get the ball first. It would seem things would be hot right out the bat with a 13 yard pass to Jamo. But after an incompletion and 7 total rushing yards, Detroit would have to punt the ball away. Scoring no points on their first drive. Cleveland on the other hand? I admit I credit Detroit for making an effort to stop Cleveland after they had 1st and Goal at the 1. But it wouldn't be enough as on 4th down, Quinshon Judkins would put up the first points of the game. Okay like seriously can the Lions not give up a first drive touchdown? Thankfully Detroit would respond as they would run down the field, plus a Browns holding call after Goff was sacked also helps. And Jahmyr Gibbs and Jake Bates would tie the game for Detroit! After that they kick the ball off back to Cleveland and Joe Flacco being the amazing quarterback he is... casually fucking floats a ball to Kerby Joseph... like what in the absolute fuck happened? Where did Cleveland go so wrong in their communication? Unfortunately a costly false start penalty would push Detroit back to 3rd and 14. But after a 7 yard pass to Kalif Raymond, Jake Bates would nail a 48 yard field goal to make it 10 to 7 Detroit. And then for the next 4 drives, 2 for each team, we would have a puntathon! HUZZAH! The funny thing is that both teams on their first drives of this puntathon would start with big plays. Flacco with a 16 yard pass to Judkins and Gibbs with 24 rushing yards. And then after that both teams went 3 and out. Oh so now it's a game of defense. I see. However on Cleveland's next drive? Flacco with a pass intended for Jerry Jeudy would be intercepted by DJ Reed and returned all the way back to the 5 yard line! HUZZAH! That's what I fucking like to see! And given Detroit only needed to go 5 yards, of fucking course Amon-Ra St. Brown and Jake Bates would make it 17-7! Cleveland would then get a 2 minute drive going... just to punt the ball away, giving Detroit 55 seconds, 1 timeout, and a dream to do something. Detroit would get things moving. But eventually with a couple incompletions get put on 4th down. Thankfully Jake Bates, the guy with the leg made of pure fucking steel would nail a 58 yarder to put us up 20-7 and Joe Flacco would kneel down the ball to end the half. Also there was a brief scare when Aiden Hutchinson was seen on the ground in pain. Fuck the PTSD is already kicking in. However thankfully this time he was able to get up and jog under his own power. Whew. Crisis is thankfully a-fucking-verted.

Cleveland did absolutely fuck all to start the 2nd half. So they punt and we get it. Just to throw a shit pass intended for Jamo all to be intercepted. I'll give him the excuse that Cleveland's defense is just really fucking good. Thankfully we limited the damage and Cleveland settled for a field goal. Detroit punts on their next drive and Cleveland would settle for another field goal after getting down to the Lions 38. But the kick was wide to the all left that is possible and it's Detroit ball with good field position! Gibbs would start with a 22 yard run like it's nothing. At the Cleveland 24 yard line, 4th and 2, Dan Campbell does what he do. Go for it! Gibbs would get the ball and get a yard... notice how I said it was 4th and 2... WELP! Cleveland goes back on offense and Joe Flacco can't throw the ball to save his life. To which they punt it away and Raymond casually returns it all the way down the field for a touchdown. See Jake Bates can tackle returners to stop touchdowns. Corey Bojorquez can't. XD! So Cleveland gets the ball back, they punt it and it's fair caught at the 17. Hey you know the Lions had a couple drives in Baltimore that started on their 5 and ended in touchdowns! Would this be the same here?... well... no you idiot this drive didn't start inside the 5! But hey how does a Joe Flacco being stripped by Hutch resulting in a fumble being recovered by Detroit sound? I think that sounds sexy! Detroit's been damn good in capitalizing off of turnovers this time and they'd do the same here with another St. Brown touchdown! 34-10 Lions should just about seal it. And at this point Cleveland accepted defeat as both teams would send in their backups. Cleveland wouldn't even dare go for it on 4th down and Kyle Allen would kneel down the ball to end it. The Lions have now scored 3 straight games after losing in week 1 to Green Bay! And y'all were so worried about this team with 2 new coordinators... okay yes to be fair so was I. But it really does look like this team is right back to their old selves... the good old selves. And now they play Cincinnati who has no Joe Burrow... or a fucking defense. Now yes granted Detroit shouldn't sleep on this team... or any team. But I'll say Detroit should have a damn good chance of taking these tiny little orange kitties down.

Now let's hope they don't give up an opening drive touchdown here.